i am alone.

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i am alone.

once i learned to accept this, life made more sense.  it’s not an admittance of alienation nor sadness, it’s a liberation from a quest for finding completeness in others.  because it wasn’t happening for me.  i realized that companionship is not the opposite of loneliness, companionship is a feeling of fellowship…just that, a feeling.  Intimacy, not companionship, is the opposite of loneliness.  Intimacy is a different quest and one that most of us are constantly on…searching for a closeness and warmth from another person.

i realized that i am looking for myself in you.  and not you (the person reading this) but any “you”…anyone i meet.  everyone i meet.   it’s a common practice for people to try to find something to connect with in other people.  and when that connection consistently doesn’t happen, it can result in a feeling of loneliness.  I’m sure you’ve heard (and some of you have even felt) that you can be in a committed relationship, and still feel lonely.  That’s a lack of intimacy.

the ‘alone’ that I am embracing is not loneliness.  it is an admittance of my individualism.  at risk of sounding morbid, it is accepting that “we are born alone and we die alone”.  that’s a fact.  so, we should grasp what that means in terms of being fully at peace with your ‘aloneness’.  being comfortable spending time with yourself.  loving yourself.  learning yourself.  treating yourself to dinner.  watching a movie with yourself.  for this, i challenge you to embrace the feeling of being alone.  not lonely.  not isolated.  not alienated.  but truly one with yourself.  only then can you fully give yourself to someone else in true intimacy.

– capri.

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